Losing a loved one is very difficult. Our emotions can seem all over the place and we can experience sadness, hopelessness, regret, guilt, anger and all kinds of negative feelings, and at depths we never imagined possible. As difficult as it is for us, we wonder how our children process these complicated emotions. And most importantly how do we help them deal with these emotions? 

Be it a parent, grandparent, sibling, a friend or even a much beloved pet, the loss is not easy to process and it is often confusing and overwhelming for children to comprehend. As a parent or caregiver, it's natural to want to shield your children from pain, but often the best way to help is to provide a safe harbour for exploration and understanding. There are various strategies to equip you in supporting your children's journey through grief.

• To start with, breaking the news of the loss to children may not be something that is high priority for us, especially when we are dealing with the loss ourselves. Very often children hear bits and pieces and are confused without clear information. Sit the child down and explain in clear words. An example of what you could say for very young children could be “I have some sad news. [Name of the person] passed away today. It means that their bodies stopped working and we won’t be able to see them anymore”. Do not use euphemisms like “they went away”, or “they are sleeping”. That could be confusing for them. 
   
• Open Communication. For days following the death and the funeral, use clear, simple language to explain death and the circumstances surrounding the loss. Tailor the information to their age and understanding. There are plenty of books on grief available which explain the concept in an age-appropriate manner. A search of ‘books dealing with grief’ will pull several list of books on the topic. These books can provide a start to conversations.  This can be done at a point when you are calmer, and have the time and bandwith to be patient. Encourage them to ask questions and answer them truthfully without impatience or judgement. 
   
• Healthy Expression of Emotions. Allow children to express their emotions in a healthy manner. Telling children not to cry and that they must be brave is something that is done universally in our culture. This is not healthy as it forces children to not express their sadness. Let them know it is okay to feel sadness, anger or whatever it is they might be feeling.  Drawing and painting is a good way for children to express what they are feeling and thinking. Encourage positive reminiscing about the deceased, allowing them to celebrate the life shared.
   
• Structure and Routine. Sticking to a routine can be comforting in times of tumult. It can be easier for us to let children have more screen time, miss school, stay awake later in the night and wake up later in the morning. However maintaining familiar routines and schedules can provide a sense of normalcy during a time of upheaval.
   
• Traditions and Ceremonies. Allow them to participate the religious and cultural rituals and this can help bring about sense of closure. Creating your own rituals for remembering the deceased can also help. These rituals can as simple as making an album or collage of photographs of the deceased or can be yearly visit to the temple/church to pray for the deceased on their birthday/death day/or any other significant role. Have a role for the children will help them feel they are a part of the process.  
   
• Consider involving other loved ones. Friends and family your children are comfortable with can take the load off you in this stressful time. Sometimes children are more comfortable going to these people with their doubts because they might be wary of upsetting you. Children can sometimes be very perceptive of your grief. Your loved ones can also distract/occupy your children when you are processing your grief. Taking them for a movie/picnic will give you time for yourself and your children the space to enjoy themselves. 
   
• Counselling. Do not hesitate to seek professional guidance if you feel overwhelmed or your child struggles to cope. A counsellor can provide specialized support for children's grief. The counsellor will work with the parents/caregivers for younger children and empower them to handle the children better while the counsellor will work with older children directly. 

Remember, every child experiences and express grief differently. Be patient with them especially if they seem naughtier or or acting out more as it can take time to come to terms with the loss. Also remember to take care of yourself in the process. Your own emotional well-being is crucial. Seek support from friends, family, or a counsellor for your own needs.