“I’m feeling lonely.” Three words that have the power to evoke fear, discomfort, sadness in us.

This feeling of loneliness is something a lot of people feel from time to time in their life, and is actually an emotional state rather than a physical state. One does not have to actually be physically alone in order to feel lonely. It is a perception that one is isolated, disconnected from others, and wants to have company. It is quite possible to feel lonely even when surrounded by people we know who are together and having fun.

The feeling of emptiness inside

We might find ourselves feeling lonely for various reasons… it might be a major change in our life which we are finding difficult to adjust to, the death of someone, the end of a relationship, the loss of something significant, low self-esteem etc. In some cases, it might be a symptom of a mental health concern such as depression.

While we may suffer pangs of loneliness here and there in reaction to certain situations, it becomes a matter of concern when we feel it for a long time (many days), and it starts to affect how we interact with others, and how we feel about ourselves. We might start isolating ourselves further instead of reaching out to people. We start to worry about always being alone, even if we are not actually so.

If we don’t pay attention, loneliness becomes more than a state of mind – it starts to affect our physical health as well.

Embracing the feeling

If you find yourself feeling this way, the first thing to do is recognise that it is not a ‘bad’ thing to feel. It is a part of life, just like other emotions such as sadness, and hurt are. It is okay to feel lonely, and it is something which can be changed.

This feeling usually indicates that there is some need of yours which is not being met- it could be a need for connection, or emotional intimacy, a need to be understood. Research has shown that having three-four friends to confide in can alleviate loneliness, so rather than distracting oneself with two seasons of a TV show, talk to others. It helps!

Another thing that helps greatly is to understand that the way you are feeling is not the reality. Your perception of loneliness is what is making you feel unloved or forgotten- it is not that people do not care for you. Try to focus on the positive aspects of your social relationships.

If you would like more information or help with this, do reach out for personal counselling. If unchecked, this condition can take over us, so it’s up to us to see to it first.