Home is the first school.

Surely we would agree that our parents have been influential in our lives, and those who are parents are aware that you influence your children a lot.  Practically, we see around us fathers and mothers relate to children differently.

Both are an essential part of the child’s psychological, emotional and mental well-being.

Each person’s experience of growing up was unique.

Reflecting on your life growing up will throw some light on your relationship with your parents, which plays a crucial role on how you view parenting and how you relate with your children now.

The statements below reflect some attitudes and behaviours of parents. Go back to your childhood and teenage years and think of your own parents or parent figures.

Which of the statements describe how your father or your mother related to you?

1.      Spoke to me in a warm and friendly voice

2.      Did not help me as much as I needed

3.      Let me do those things I liked doing

4.      Seemed emotionally cold to me

5.      Appeared to understand my problems and worries

6.      Was affectionate to me

7.      Liked me to make my own decisions

8.      Did not want me to grow up

9.      Tried to control everything I did

10.  Invaded my privacy

11.  Enjoyed talking things over with me

12.  Frequently smiled at me

13.  Tended to baby me

14.  Did not seem to understand what I needed or wanted.

15.  Let me decide things for myself

16.  Made me feel I wasn’t wanted

17.  Could make me feel better when I was upset

18.  Did not talk with me very much

19.  Tried to make me feel dependent of her/ him

20.  Felt I could not look after myself unless he/she was around

21.  Gave me as much freedom as I wanted

22.  Let me go out as often as I wanted

23.  Was overprotective of me

24.  Did not praise me

25.  Let me dress in any way I pleased.

Your parents' responses to you would have impacted your behaviour, your feelings about yourself, and the world around you. Some of these continue to influence your behaviour and the way you parent your own children. However as an adult you can consciously choose to what extent you allow yourself to accept those messages, and which negative ones you would like to leave behind you. You can also deliberately decide how you would like to relate to your children now.

If there are aspects of your own childhood that you would like to think through more deeply, discussing with a counsellor could help you get the clarity you need.