Learning that a family member is LGBTQIA (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, questioning, intersex and asexual) can bring about multiple emotions in us. It can be a shocking revelation and we may not be prepared, and therefore it is natural that we may not know exactly how to respond. How a family member responds can not only have an impact on the LGBTQIA individual but also the quality of the relationship we share with them. 

Owning your emotions
You may go through a plethora of emotions, such as anger, confusion, sadness, shock, denial, guilt or relief upon learning that a family member is LGBTQ. Experiencing these emotions doesn’t make you a “bad” parent/family member. Do give yourself time to process what you are thinking and feeling as well. Be patient with yourself as well! 

Communicating
You can also tell your family member that you need space and time to self-reflect and get used to this new information about them. This way, hopefully your LGBTQ family member will understand your need for space and time. How you feel can also stem from not knowing enough about the community, being worried about your family member and also not being sure about how to respond.

That bring us to the next point:

Expanding your knowledge
There are many myths and stereotypes about LGBTQ+ people. You will find a lot of supportive information in the form of articles, books, YouTube channels, and websites specifically for family members. You can also reach out to support groups for families of LGBTQ+. Opening yourself up to these avenues can also help with answering some questions you may have. Some of these could be, “Did I do something wrong as a parent/family member?” “What about our religion?”, “Why did they come out to me?” or “Is my LGBTQ+ family member safe?”

Acceptance It may be hard to see an LGBTQIA family member express themselves by their clothing, speech or mannerisms. It may be uncomfortable but the freedom to express who they are takes courage. You can take your time to handle your emotions without restricting the family member.

While going through this journey of comprehension and exploration takes time - there are some harmful behaviours that can be avoided:

• While anger is a possible emotion, avoid emotionally or physically abusing, shaming or threatening your family member. 
• Avoid excluding them from family gatherings. Your LGBTQ+ family member may not have come out to everyone in the family. It can therefore be unfair and damaging to family dynamics to exclude them. 
• Avoid punishing yourself or harming yourself. Family members, especially parents may feel like it is their fault or they could have done something differently. However this is not information that you need to take personally. 
• Avoid standing by if family / others are discriminating or bullying your family member. 
• Do not share this information with others in the family unless agreed to by the LGBTQIA person. This is sensitive information and their secret to share, not yours. 

Do also remember that it wouldn’t have been easy for your family member to open up about their sexual identity and sexual orientation. Coming out to you probably took a lot of strength and the reason they did it is because they wanted to be honest with you and needed your support. Your family member is still the same person regardless of this new information.

If you are struggling with this new information, do take time to talk to a mental health professional who is an unbiased and trained individual and can provide the right support.