• After a long day at work, your flatmate requests you to do her share of the chores – for the third time this week.

• You have been working extra hours all week, and finally after completing your project when you are just leaving to catch up with your friends, your boss asks you to stay back and complete another report.

• You are waiting for a parking spot to open up, and just as the other car is pulling away someone else cuts in and takes the spot, pointing to his watch and saying please.

• You get a call from your bank, offering you a “free” upgrade on your credit card. But you receive a bill of Rs.500 in the next month.

• After a very long and hectic week, you want to relax on Sunday, but your family wants to go for a day-long picnic.

What do you think you would do in these situations? Would you give in, despite of your intense desire to say “No”?

Sometimes it’s not easy to put our foot down and stand up for what we want. We tell ourselves that it's better to agree and avoid hurting the other person, or that saying “no” would take too much effort or that we ought to say “yes” just to keep the peace.

But did you know that saying “Yes” also comes at a price? When we go against our wishes, over and over, our mind and body pay the price.

You may feel:

• As though your life is not in your control, resulting in increased anxiety.

• Confused because you often ignore your own feelings.

• Unable to take decisions.

• As though people are taking advantage of you or taking you for granted.

• Resentful and angry (but sometimes redirect the anger) because your needs are not met.

• Depressed and stuck in a rut.

Do you find yourself feeling this way? More importantly, do you want to continue feeling this way or do you want to stand up for yourself and stop saying 'Yes'. It is, after all, more expensive than that “free” credit card upgrade that you end up paying for!

If you want to know more about assertiveness and learning to say “No” when appropriate, you could contact our counsellors for a personalised discussion to help you practice and develop the skills required.