Yes, you heard right - fights are a natural part of a healthy long-term relationship. Of course we aren't talking about physical, knock-a-person-out kind of fights! Healthy conflicts do more than add spice to a relationship.

Conflicts arise because of differences in needs and opinions and it isn’t possible to find someone with the exact same opinions as you. Whether it’s about how toothpaste is used, who is a better actor or whether or not demonetisation was a good thing. Conflicts could also be about less mundane topics like how much in-laws should be involved in parenting or where to go for a holiday or even how much money ought to be spent on a new house. When there is a lack of conflict, it usually means there is a lack of expression of these differences of opinion. Repressed opinions and desires can cause suffocation and resentment, sounding the death knell for any relationship.

The important thing is to ensure that conflicts are constructive rather than destructive. How? Resolve them by observing the following rules:

1. Don’t yell, swear, or resort to name-calling or violence. Instead take a time-out.

2. Take ownership – “I feel hurt when we don’t spend time together” rather than “you never have any time for me”.

3. Mention specific examples instead of making vague statements.

4. Use appropriate humour to defuse the tension. Just remember to laugh with your partner, not at them.

5. Pay attention to the feelings being expressed. Listen to your partner’s needs and desires even as you try to express yours.

6. Control emotions and behaviour so that you can communicate without threatening, frightening, or punishing the other person.

7. Manage your stress – problems in other areas of your life can have an effect on your relationship but it is important to differentiate between these issues.

8. Pick your battles – choose the ones really worthy of your time and energy.

9. Affirm that you both care about each other – and about reconciliation.

10. Compromise and find a win-win solution – “Okay; Chinese food today, but next time we are eating Indian!”

11. Respect differences – sometimes it’s okay to have different views.

12. Be open to the idea that you made a mistake; apologise if you find that you did.

13. Forgive and let go. Punishment cannot compensate for your pain.

14. What is right is more important than who is right.

Still arguing? Finding it hard to implement the rules? Are unrelated issues getting mixed together? Speak to an objective relationship counsellor who will help you resolve the conflicts without taking sides.