Different work styles, different goals and even values often lead to disagreements, skirmishes and clashes. But conflicts are common – and often a healthy – part of human interactions, whether at work or outside. If resolved effectively, these can provide opportunities for growth but unresolved conflicts can have far-reaching negative consequences.

Not everyone reacts in the same way to any given situation, and in the case of conflicts too, we all have different styles of dealing with the problem. Understanding your typical style of addressing a conflict can give you necessary insight into what, if anything, needs to be done to improve your way of resolving conflicts.

Typically, conflict styles can be divided into five different types, depending on the value a person places on the relationship they share with the other person and their desired goals in the situation on conflict.

1. Avoiding. Individuals functioning from this style withdraw and do not want to upset themselves or others around them. They are not concerned about the relationship or goals. They tend to pretend that nothing is wrong, and use stonewalling or completely shutting down.
   Being calm and looking past is the strength of this style, but on the other hand the individual is denying the problem, and therefore the conflict can escalate.  
2. Accommodating. This style is viewed as letting the other party win. This would mean that the relationship is the most important factor and conflict is avoided. While this style can lead to making peace, it can also create a lot of resentment as the person may never get his way and start feeling like a “doormat”.
3. Competing. This is an approach where the individual’s own needs and goals come before anything else. In this case the person isn’t concerned about relationships.
   The strength of this style is the ability to be strong and take quick decisions; however on the other hand they can be too pushy and might hurt the other person’s feelings.   
4. Compromising. Here the relationship and goals are both moderately important. Such individuals try to negotiate and bargain – they would like to get at least a bit of what they desire, irrespective of whether it is the best solution.
   Here the individual’s strength is their willingness to communicate. On the flip side they can be perceived as being manipulative and resolution can be time consuming.
5. Collaborating. Individuals functioning from this style take the time to listen to the other party and understand their goals and ideas. This individual is a team player and has a high level of emotional intelligence.
   The positive of this style is that the individual can build trust, respect and a deeper relationship. However on the other hand this can be a time consuming process and works best when the other party has a similar style and levels of emotional intelligence.

The next time you face a clash with a friend, colleague, spouse or anyone else – do think about your goals and how important the relationship is to you. Determine what would be the most effective way of handling that conflict and don’t forget to stick to the rules of fair fighting while you address the issue at hand!

And if you need some help resolving a difficult conflict you are currently facing, learning the skills of conflict resolution, or changing your inherent style, contact our counsellors for a personalised discussion.