'How are you?'  

'I'm fine.' 

Really?

It’s not always easy to acknowledge when things aren’t going so well. It seems like everyone else out there has their lives well put together and is upbeat and full of life. So how do you let on that you’re feeling down, worried, confused, sad, overwhelmed or hopeless…?

The fact is that there are many people out there who are NOT that fine. There are lots of people around who are wearing a ‘happy mask’ but not feeling so good inside.

Depression affects millions of people globally. The WHO ranks it as the single largest contributor to global disability today. But it just hasn’t got the same attention as other forms of illness, because it is less tangible, less understood, and far less acceptable to talk about!

Depression is actually an illness - like any other illness. It may or may not be related to any specific incident or trigger in one’s life. It is NOT something that one can ‘snap out of’ at will, and is NOT a sign of weakness. The good news is that it can be treated very successfully, so it really is not something with which anyone should suffer in silence. Everyone should familiarize themselves with the signs of depression in order to recognize it in themselves, loved ones or colleagues, and seek early help. You could also take a screening test to help assess whether you maybe suffering from depression.

Of course, not everyone who is feeling depressed or sad is suffering from clinical depression. At some point or the other everyone faces stress, difficult situations, heartache, failure, uncertain future, financial worries, relationship problems, and it is natural to feel sad, anxious or distressed in those situations. Sometimes the problems are temporary and the intensity of feelings pass in a few days. But at other times they persist. That’s when it can really help to talk to a trusted person, share your feelings and gain strength to keep going.

Talk – to whom?

The WHO has the slogan ‘Let’s talk’. But who is the right person to talk to? Not every casual friend will fit the bill.

Someone you can trust: First and foremost your confidante should keep what you say confidential. The last thing you want is to find out that others are gossiping about you behind your back, or that your personal problems are doing the rounds on whatsapp.

Someone who is interested: Let’s face it - not everyone cares. With most people who ask ‘How are you?, the response ‘I’m really not ok’, will be met with glazed eyes and a hasty excuse before they make a run for it! But a few good friends will be willing to take the time and effort to be there for you and listen.

Someone sensible and balanced: Some people are interested and concerned, but their reactions either make you feel worse or they may try to minimize the problem, and cheer you up. Which doesn’t help much. You don’t always need advice, you don’t want to be judged; you need someone who listens and understands, and gives you a chance to share that burden instead of handling it all alone.

If you’re not too sure, don’t share all your innermost thoughts at one go. Take it slow and reveal a little at a time, sharing more when you feel comfortable.

Talking to a professional counsellor can help because they are neutral and objective; they are not part of your normal social circle,  so you won’t have to worry about others getting to know; and they will help you sort your thoughts out, gain new perspectives and move forward. You might want to try it.