Being positive is extolled as a positive trait. Whenever we share our troubles to a friend, we are more likely than not, told to be positive. Well-meaning acquaintances, friends and dear ones can say all kinds of things to us when we are going through tough life situations. We are told to keep the faith, know that things will change, and that other people have it worse than us. 

Toxic positivity is the excessive pressure to maintain a positive attitude, regardless of circumstances. It involves suppressing, denying, or invalidating real, negative emotions like sadness, anger, and grief. While there are benefits to being positive, this kind of toxic positivity shames and judges us for feeling our very real negative emotions. Toxic positivity can harm people who are going through trying times. When they share their normal-under-the-circumstances emotions, instead of unconditional support, they find that their feelings are ignored, dismissed or invalidated. 

• It is shaming – People are made to feel ashamed of their feelings. When people are suffering they need to know that it is okay to feel disappointed, discouraged, sad and even angry. 
• It causes guilt – It sends the message that if they are not finding a way to be positive, they are doing something wrong. 
• It avoids authentic human emotions – When we feel difficult emotions, we discount dismiss and deny them. 
• It prevents growth – It allows people to avoid feeling painful emotions, which in turn prevents facing them from growing through the experience. 

There could be several reasons why a person engages in toxic positivity. They could be genuinely trying to help. However, they might not have the emotional intelligence or communication skills to navigate difficult emotions effectively. They might resort to oversimplified platitudes or forced positivity in an attempt to cheer someone up, even if it misses the mark. Some people feel uncomfortable with negative emotions, both in themselves and others. This discomfort can lead them to try to "fix" the situation by dismissing or minimizing negativity, even if it comes across as inauthentic or unhelpful.

Instead of toxic positivity, there are other encouraging things one could say to someone who is struggling. 

·       Acknowledge and validate all emotions: Let people feel what they feel without judgment.

·       Offer support and empathy: Listen actively and provide genuine care.

·       Encourage healthy coping mechanisms: Suggest helpful outlets for processing emotions.

·       Celebrate genuine joy: Share authentic happiness without pressuring others to match it.

·       Offer solutions when appropriate: Work towards addressing the root of negative experiences.

Remember that there's a space for both positivity and negativity in our lives. By accepting ours and others’ feelings, we are encouraging relationships that are authentic and promoting healthy coping.